Introspection....

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Its been some time I haven't talked to her. I saw her last month, but I said 'hi' and she said it back. That was it. Just that. Doesn't qualify as talking... right? Or does it? Was there something in her eyes that I could not comprehend? I don't have the slightest of ideas.

I don't know what she is doing? Or what she is up to? I am not saying this in regards with "us", but in general. Where are we headed? What's up and coming for me, for her, for us? I don't have the slightest of ideas.

Now that I think of it, its been long since we decided to part ways, but there was no mention of any full stop. No, she didn't mention it and I didn't either. Then why is there this awkward space between us whenever we get close enough to see each other eye-to-eye? I don't have the slightest of ideas.

Why can I not stop thinking about her all the time? Its been far too many times now that I read the opportunity to take steps forward towards new relationships, but I always feel that jamming sensation which doesn't allow my feet to get out of the hibernation that I don't exactly despise. But I don't relish it either. Yes, I must do something about it. But what? I don't have the slightest of ideas.

Is it the fear of losing her forever that has bound me since? No, there were others before her and I don't miss them as much. Why her? It must be the absence of that "clean break" with her, that has got me puzzling myself. Or is all this meant to eventuate with her in my life. I have to go and talk it out with her. I can not let this go on forever. I must do what I have to do. And, I might lose what I have to have. Is that what I truly want? I don't have the slightest of ideas.

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Are You Lonesome Tonight

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Elvis Presley
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Are you lonesome tonight

Do you miss me tonight

Are you sorry we drifted apart

Does your memory stray

To a bright sunny day

When I kissed you and called you sweetheart

Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare

Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there

Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again

Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight

I wonder if you're lonesome tonight

You know someone said that the world's a stage

And each must play a part

Fate had me playing in love with you as my sweet-heart

Act One was when we met, I loved you at first glance

You read your lines so cleverly and never missed a cue

Then came Act Two, you seemed to change, you acted strange

And why I have never known

Honey, you lied when you said you loved me

And I had no cause to doubt you

But I'd rather go on hearing your lies

Than I go on living without you

Now the stage is bare and I'm standing there

With emptiness all around

And if you won't come back to me

Then they can bring the curtain down

Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again

Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight

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Sulking....

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There is an age-old saying मुसीबत कभी अकेली नहीं आती.... शायद सच भी है.... या शायद नहीं भी.... These past 10 days have been pretty heavy on me. And as of now, I am sulking - aloof and resenting. Now if I really give it a thought, I have always been a bit withdrawn, a little recluse. So that's not really new for me, I guess.

But I try to stay at peace with the world and of course myself. And I think I manage to do so. (This can be argued upon. But who cares?) So why am I resenting? Or maybe what is it that makes me resent it? I feel the question should be who and not what? Because if I start listing things I don't exactly like, then it will be heavy on you. Since I want to stay at peace at all times, I won't trouble you with the pain of reading all that.

So it's about who. But then as an MBA student I have been reading that people make mistakes. One should never blame anyone, just say that 'this' was not good. So, being a good people-person, I will not start taking names. But generally, I don't like those who won't do anything but keep looking for excuses for everything. And I definitely hate those who are there only for claiming the 'glory' of what is being glorified. Not because they are getting it, but because these people will almost never contribute anything, and in case of a failure, they will put the blame on those who worked their asses off. And no, I haven't got screwed. I never do. Being a smart-ass helps sometimes... :)

Elsewhere, Liverpool lost their third straight game in the Champions' League qualifying phase, this time to Besiktas. Their Premier League campaign is going along just alright. They aren't doing great, but they aren't doing really bad as well. They defeated Everton in the derby in their last outing and are up against a superbly in-form Arsenal next.

And yes, my cellphone screen is fixed. I think that's one of the very few good things to have happened to me in the past 10 days. Yeah, the receptionist at the Motorola Service Centre was smoking hot, but that doesn't count as she is taken. Anyway, a little NSP here and there is just good enough, as yours truly is happily single and not looking.... for now!! ;)

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Shattered Glass

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I had a rather bad day yesterday. First it was Wipro visiting the campus marking the beginning of the second round of placements. I managed to make it to the last round of the selection process, but a second job offer was not to be for me on this day at least. It doesn't matter. I have a comparable job offer already. So I was kind of cool the whole day and was taking it all quite lightly.

So what was the bad part?? See not getting the job after making the last round of interviews disappoints you, no matter you were interested in the job or not. I would have taken this job gladly, though. But that is not the real bad part. Later in the evening, circumstances managed to award me a tight slap for God-knows-what mistake of mine.

I was hanging around in a guy's room, watching him play a multi-player game on the network. He lost, and the guy who won came and pushed him hard exclaiming joy.... weird way to celebrate, I think... but his celebration came at a cost. The room owner guy fell to his left and his elbow landed right where my beloved cellphone was lying. There go 2000 bucks out of the pocket of yours truly. And here I am ruing the broken display screen of my touch-screen phone, which is now rendered useless.

I went to the Motorola service center and they have asked me to come back sometime next week. The old phone which I had is not working. So, I am phone-less and feel quite limited. Thanks to another of my friends who has a spare phone, which he has given me to use until I get my phone repaired. I hope they can help me with it soon.

Let's see...

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The Hardware Workshop

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While reading this, kindly bear it in mind that the author of this blog is not a blacksmith, neither is he a छोटा-मोटा PC vendor, assembling your CPUs.

Leaving the banter aside, today the 2nd years organized the hardware workshop for the freshers. This is one of the many initiatives that we students have undertaken over the years here at IIITM Gwalior to try and foster better relations among the juniors and seniors, without using the celebrated (dreaded?) techniques of "interaction" (read the r-word).

I am in the 5th year now. (We have a five-year dual degree programme. And I am not a bloody flunker). Yet when I attend these workshops, to oversee the proceedings or to judge a Group Discussion contest, I get the feel of the potential that these young ones have. Only if they choose to use it positively. Yeah, I know it is easier said than done. And that I know from experience.

Anyway, going to the workshop helped me in more ways than one. I got to see some new faces. And yes, brushed up my own fundamentals of the little this-n-that of the insides of CPU, again. And I am happy because I think I contributed in some capacity by trying to reach out and share with the juniors whatever little I know. And that is most important, I think. Being happy....

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Mess Food & My Physique

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I am fine and happy..... or so I thought I was until just a few minutes ago, when a girl told me I have gained a lot of weight. And that without me asking her anything about it. Well, I had just said hi to her.

Not that I am conscious about it, but it still hit me. Now I know that I indeed have gained a great amount of weight in the past two months. Well, I spent most of this time at home where I didn't have the luxurious facilities from Sharma Mess people, who by the way are very good at helping people in losing those extra pounds. Their meals are great. You can not help shedding the fat, you know!!

I would gladly dare anyone to challenge me on this, but then I know some people who actually have gained weight here. How? I don't know. And I don't want to know either. Somebody just told me something, remember....

I think playing football in the morning on a daily basis and the super nutritious, low-fat, healthy and very tasty mess food will help me get in shape soon. Let's see if then some girl compliments me on that or not.

My favourite roadside dhaba-wala must be preparing aloo-gobhi & chana masala. I am getting hungry again...

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